rupindah:

I’m really good at keeping secrets because five minutes later I forget what you told me because I don’t care

(via lasagna-delrey)

joecroucher:

Balloons are so weird… “happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath”

(via blowjobs-for-everyone)

steven-stone:

i love how other planet’s moons have cool names and then here we just have moon

(Source: himespetchi, via blowjobs-for-everyone)

darrynek:

why does it seem like every dad sneezes really loud

(via blowjobs-for-everyone)

westbor0baptistchurch:

I Was Trying To Be Funny But It Came Out as Really Mean: A 5-part documentary starring me.

(via the-awesomepossum)

people complain about auto correct but it’s helpful 99% of the titties

(Source: durational, via nicoosuxx)