I’m really good at keeping secrets because five minutes later I forget what you told me because I don’t care
Balloons are so weird… “happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath”
i love how other planet’s moons have cool names and then here we just have moon
I Was Trying To Be Funny But It Came Out as Really Mean: A 5-part documentary starring me.
people complain about auto correct but it’s helpful 99% of the titties